Hello lovelies!
Today's episode of big sister advice is on dating! we asked you guys to send through some TMI questions that you'd like us to answer, and since many of them were based on the topic 'dating', we thought we'd combine them to create a dating episode!
So here are some questions that you gave us:
Have you been in a toxic relationship? jas: Yes! We were young and didn't know the meaning of a healthy relationship or just what a relationship comprised of. PERIOD. We manipulated each other and made me thought that I was worthy of love just from him. Only reflecting back after it ended, did I realize that it was extremely toxic! yas: Yes, sadly I have been. But, honestly I don't look back at it at all nor do I dwell on it, I've fully moved on and grown as a person because of it. I have learnt that if someone doesn't love themselves, they won't give you the love that you need/deserve/ want. I know that's deep, but if a person is sooo insecure in themselves, they wouldn't let you thrive as a person, and that is where toxic behaviour stems from.
Have you gone through a bad break up? jas: hahaha yes! all of my break-ups initially ended with mutual understandings but the aftermath of everything was bad. yas: yes! my god, it was terrible. I felt so s*it for some timeeee. It was really hard to process, I can't lie, and this toxic a** still treated me like absolute s*it after the entire breakup. I would cry for days, and I stayed home half of the time, because I didn't feel good in myself at all, and it was all just a heavy intense experience, that's the best way I can describe it.
Are there any tips to give before starting a relationship? jas: make sure you know the person and make sure above of all that you know you will be safe with this person - physically, mentally and emotionally. yas: LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP. this is key VITAL information. You are on your own journey, your own path. your soulmate WILL come. So don't rush into relationships, do things for you and go into one with an open and kind heart.
Is flirting, considered cheating? jas: if you haven't established a relationship with another person then no, i don't think flirting is cheating. on the flip side, in my opinion and due to my nature, if you are in a relationship and realize you act in a flirtatious way towards another person and they reciprocate, then yes to an extent i do believe it is cheating - unless you have open and honest conversations around this topic in your relationship. yas: Flirting isn't bad, unless you have the intention to do something, or to flirt for a purpose or reason. So, if you flirt for a purpose or a reason and have a bad intention, yes, it is cheating. I for one, have a very flirty personality, but that's just me, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'd say to make sure you have a partner that you communicate everything with openly, this will safe you any arguments that may arise from miscommunication.
How do you cope with a bad break up? jas: i sit in my room and cry for an hour and then laugh about it and distract myself with the people around me, Do things I love, stay off social media and avoid checking my phone. yas: Cry. Let it all out hunni! It is okay to be sad and the feel the emotions. It will be hard in the first few weeks, and from what I learnt it's best to not be alone during all this, keep yourself busy with family and friends and always keep your head up, things WILL get better and things ALWAYS happen for a reason, so remember it's all part of a life lesson that makes you, YOU. you are special, and you are strong. you can get through it, trust me.
What are some 'red flags'? jas: theres so many! here are some from my experience. manipulation, degrading your self-esteem, poor time management skills, disrespect, all talk and dishonesty. but i think the biggest red flag for me is the other person not showing any interest or not caring about anything that has to do with me or the relationship. yas: If they control you (that being, telling you what to wear, telling you what to do); if they lower your self-esteem, if they are embarrassed of you (try to keep you a secret), if they restrict you from doing things (doesn't let you go out, I have had A LOT of people tell me to not go out etc etc, and honestly it's because they are SO insecure in themselves that they don't want you to go out and enjoy yourself), emotional and physical abuse! and lastly if you are just constantly unhappy with how things are, you should realise it's just not for you, and you both aren't made for each other.
What do you look for in a partner? jas: a person that adds value into your life - a person that you would go to at your lowest and your highest. not only physically attractive but emotionally and mentally as well, with similar values to me. yas: Basically a best friend. Someone who makes you feel like your TRUE self when no one else is around! someone you can tell everything single thing with and be super SUPER comfortable!
Are you both in a relationship? jas: hell yeah! if i had to describe what a soul mate meant - i would describe my other half. we've been best friends since we were in secondary school and had a huge fallout but 5 years later and look at where we are now! yas: Yes, I am in a relationship! I've been in one now for nearly 2 years! He is literally my best friend. For the first time ever, finally in a safe, loving, happy and comfortable relationship, I honestly couldn't ask for a better half.
We love seeing your interest in our big sister advice questions! hopefully we answered a few of the important ones, if you do have anymore questions that you want us to answer personally, do send us a DM or email us! we'd love to be there for you.
Remember, relationships are tricky and everything is a life lesson! so go into one with your head held high, and remember to never lose yourself in one! you are special to, and you don't need another person to make you feel that way. Self-love ALWAYS before you fall in love with someone else... trust us!
Love,
JasxYas
Comments